Moving to Greece was the fastest life decision I’ve made so far.

It took all of three weeks.

Or 51 weeks…depending on how you look at it. But that’s a story for a different time.

I count it as three weeks because that’s how long Greece was even the tiniest option before God and I had a conversation where I chose His will over mine.

So much happened in those three weeks. God moved mountains and barriers and concrete walls that I had put up in an effort to stay in my comfortable, manageable life. And He came in and leveled them. I’m talking flat out destroyed some. At one point during that time I distinctly remember asking a few close friends to tell me reasons why I shouldn’t move to Greece. I wanted them to pull me out of the frenzy of such a huge change.

The most chaotic three weeks have become a pillar of promise.

Because God has wrecked my plans with His, why do I doubt that He is going to come through now? When I am tempted to doubt that God will provide financially, emotionally, spiritually, physically, mentally, I am reminded that He will supply every need of mine according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19). I am reminded that His ways are not my ways (Isaiah 55:8-9). I am reminded that He is the source of everything (Romans 11:36).

June has been full of phone calls, text messages, letters, and meetings. Full of bold prayers, little sleep, tears, and laughter. But it has been marked by provision.

God has provided above and beyond in partnerships, both in prayer and financially. He has provided places to stay, to the point where I’ve had to turn people down. He’s provided faithful friends who will randomly text me, celebrate even the smallest victories with me, and who are on their knees praying for me daily. He’s provided exactly what I need, when I need it…and most of these gifts have been far beyond what I could have even dreamed.

When I stop to thank Him for who He is, for what He has done because of who He is, I am overwhelmed with His abundance. So quickly I try and fit God’s provision into boxes….just like I unintentionally did a moment ago. I want God to check the financial box, along with the emotional, spiritual, physical, and mental boxes. Once those boxes are checked, I’m good to go. But here’s the thing, He has given me Jesus, in whom the fullness of God was pleased to dwell (Colossians 1:19). Someone please tell me a box that the fullness of God cannot fill.

During this support raising time I have been praying Ephesians 3:20: “Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us…” This is a sweet verse that gives perspective to higher and better than my human mind could even imagine. Check out what Paul has to say right before and after his proclamation of God’s abundant ability:

For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith––that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. -Ephesians 3:14-21

God has provided financially, emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally. In very tangible ways. Some of those times it’s been immediate, others it’s been after a deadline has passed. There are still areas and situations where I feel like God hasn’t provided even half a percent. But even then, He has already provided His Son.

So when I’m tempted to ask, “What if God doesn’t come through on ______?” I’m trying to re-train my brain (and heart!) to instead ask, “Where in my past have I seen God be God?” and then “Where, right this minute, do I see God being God?”

He began this process of moving to Greece by moving mountains, and He’s continued moving them…sometimes by an inch, sometimes by a mile. And sometimes I need to praise Him for the gift that is the mountain itself, and not just the movement.

Which, speaking of moving…I move to Greece in 71 days.

 

 

 

“And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together.” Colossians 1:17

I have been saying for the last few weeks that I feel like God has been putting me on the bench. Do you know the feeling?

Within the past year, I have been handed numerous things, only for them to be enjoyed and then taken away. A mission trip that would have combined so many of my passions. A job that would fit well with how I’m gifted. A relationship that ended too soon. And most recently, stepping back from serving with a ministry that I love.

My response has simply been, “Why?!”

Why let me figure out what makes my heart beat fast, only for it to be shut down without warning?

Now I never was super big into sports (holla for two and a half years of JV tennis) but as I was talking with a friend the other day and wrestling through words, this picture just clicked. So hang with me.

Most team sports have a literal bench. The main purpose of the bench is for players to gather around it when they’re not on the court/field/rink. There are three main people we find on the bench.

Person #1: The Benchwarmer
This was me in high school. I needed the Athletics credit, but had no desire to actually play the game. I went to practice, my name was on the roster, but I was never chosen to participate when it came to competitions. I actually sat on the bench many days. You’re welcome, Weatherford High School kangaroos.
Being benched gives the Benchwarmer the space to remain comfortable.

Person #2: The Hothead
When a coach sends someone to the bench, sometimes this is a disciplinary measure. The player is breaking the rules of the game and needs to take a few to cool down and remember that when they are 85 and old and grey, it will not matter that the opponent’s toe crossed the line and that the ref failed to see the “severity” of the offense.
Being benched gives the Hothead the space to be disciplined. 

Person #3: The Devoted
Even the best athlete spends time on the bench. No matter how many 3-pointers they can shoot in a row, they won’t play the entire game. At some point, the coach lovingly sends them to the bench to recover because the coach knows there is more of the game left to play.
Being benched gives the Devoted the space to rest. 

When it comes to sports, I’m definitely a benchwarmer, but for the most part, I can say with confidence that’s not my bent when it comes to life. I’m a goer and a doer.

There have absolutely been times in my life when I’ve been sent to the bench because I needed to be disciplined. God knew that the most loving thing for me was to take me out and make me actually face my sin problems. While I still sin (aka- fall short of perfection) every day, I don’t think God has sent me to the bench right now for discipline.

Sometimes God sends us to the bench to let us rest.

And I don’t like it.

Deep in my soul I know I’m tired, I’ll even say it with my words, but I don’t want to stop playing.

Rest is 100% Biblical. God created the world in six days and then RESTED the seventh. (Genesis 2:3). This idea of time set aside for rest is also known as a Sabbath. A couple days ago I read in Numbers 15 that God commanded the people of Israel to straight up stone a man who broke the Sabbath…he was breaking it by picking up sticks!! STICKS!!! The man was gathering sticks during a time when he should have been resting.

I don’t frequently pick up sticks. I do frequently forget to rest.

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-29

I will certainly stop to veg on the couch and I’m all about the recommended 8 hours of sleep a night. Within the first hour of my morning I strive to meet with Jesus and let His Word fill my heart. These are good examples of taking a “time out” to catch my breath and strategize, if you will. But true rest for my soul requires more. The verse that has stuck out to me the most through this season so far has been Colossians 1:17: “And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together.”

Do I trust God to be God? By stepping back and allowing space to recover, I am saying that He is bigger than I am. He doesn’t need me to keep playing in order to win the game. Sometimes the most loving thing is for me to sit on the bench and watch. To stop and let my soul rest…remembering that in Him, and through Him, and to Him are all things (Romans 11:36).

He holds everything together. Everything.

My time on the bench doesn’t have to mean that I’m unengaged. It means that I stop to remember who God is in my life. It’s already been several weeks that I’ve taken up residence on the bench. Most days I still struggle to accept this gift of rest. But Lord, thank You for reminding me that you hold all things together…including this bench you have me on.

What’s your response to being put on the bench?

When was the last time you rested? What does rest look like to you?

Does the way you rest reflect your belief in God’s ability to hold all things together?

This piece is available for purchase at the Freehand Truth Etsy Shop.

“But now that you have come to know God, or rather to be known by God, how can you turn back again to the weak and worthless elementary principles of the world, whose slaves you want to be once more?” Galatians 4:9

“Pray that I would find comfort in being known by God.”

My mentor at the time texted me that morning, asking for an update on life and how she could be praying for me during the upcoming week. Thankful that someone genuinely wanted to know how I was doing, I took full advantage of the opportunity and quickly wrote out a considerably lengthy reply, sparing no detail and boldly asking for prayer on a number of different things I was facing. I hit send and then re-read what I had said.

Topics such as work, school, and rest had the expected prayers tied to them–perseverance, perspective, and priority (thank you, junior high english class for teaching me the beauty of alliteration). And then hello, request from left field. I don’t think I have ever asked for comfort to come from being known by God.

It had been several months since a friend had hurt me deeply, so I was shocked that my response to “how’s your heart?” did not have the same hope-filled answers that I expressed in the preceding weeks. My heart was hurting again. I was regressing. I felt as if I had drawn the Candy Land card that sent me back to the very first purple square.

Desperately trying to put words to the sudden return of the ache, I saw my heart unfold: I missed the familiarity. I missed the understanding. I missed being known. Maybe you can relate.

“I felt known. Yes, God knows me best, but it was refreshing to have another person with me. Pray that I would find comfort in being known by God. And pray that for [Friend] too.”

First of all, I want to say that there is nothing wrong with wanting to be known by someone else. In fact, it’s Biblical to live in community with other Believers!
“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as in the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” Hebrews 10:24-25
“If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored all rejoice together. Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it.” 1 Corinthians 12:26-27
“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2

A pastor at my church always says that the purpose of the Body is to multiply joys and divide sorrows. I love it. Paul, the author of Romans, instructs the Church to “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” (Romans 12:15) Rich beauty emanates from a life lived alongside other people. We should be known by other Believers, but we should be first and foremost run (really sprint) to being known by God Himself.

There is a reason God is called the Author of Life.

I love how David cries out to God in Psalm 139:13 saying, “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.” (Emphasis mine.) God Himself formed me. He was there from the instant I came into being, and He hasn’t gone anywhere.

In that same Psalm, David praises God for His presence:
“O LORD, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it. Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence?” (Psalm 139:1-7)

I read those verses and am overcome by the nearness of the Lord. He knows the depths of my heart, and even comes with me to those deep dark places. Yet He still calls me beloved.

And then Galatians 4:9: “But now that you have come to know God, or rather to be known by God, how can you turn back again to the weak and worthless elementary principles of the world, whose slaves you want to be once more?” 

Ouch.

Where/what/who are you running back to?

When is the last time you cried out to God?

Where are you searching to be known?

I am praying that we find comfort in being known by God.

This piece is available for purchase at the Freehand Truth Etsy Shop.

It has been 18 months since the Freehand Truth shop made a public debut across the lands of Instagram and Etsy. It’s been on “Vacation Mode” for the last 15. Math might not be your strongest point, but you read that correctly.

I was amazed by the support that I received from the new adventure of opening the shop. I was reminded of just how incredible the people are who I see every day. I met some more incredible people via the World Wide Web, who encouraged me big time. I was all in, went full steam, and got worn out. Or probably more accurately: overwhelmed.

Social media is not my thing. It just isn’t. I’m all about honesty and transparency (in fact, if you’ve ever had a conversation with me the chances are that 200 times out of 100 I have said something that has shocked you. Again with the math, I know). Transparency. Yes. So the fact that social media can so quickly be manipulated really irks me. I have quite a few good stories on the subject, but we’ll save those for another time.

I love sharing stories and talking deep life with other people. Seriously, love, love, love this. But I will ALWAYS ask to have these conversations in person if at all possible. There’s just something about sharing a meal, a hot cup of coffee (or tea), or even chatting while being curled up on a couch, that draws souls together. I am certain of it. Good news people, we live in the 21st century which means about 99% of our communication these days is done through technology. So I thrive. (I am honest. I am also sarcastic. Cheers.)

Back up to when the shop was actually open and I was excited to share about the different pieces I was working on with the few people (hey Mom!) who followed Freehand Truth. A few people grew into what felt like a small army…granted we’re talking about 100 people here but it overwhelmed me when I started looking around Etsy and realizing that if I actually wanted to go places, I was going to have to fight to be heard. The few people who were already listening all started requesting custom pieces and I was juggling too much to keep up with the numerous paintings a week, finishing up college, searching for a new job, maintaining friendships, church commitments, not to mention sleep… the last thing I wanted to do was figure out how to stage a picture and which hashtags to use in such a way to lure people in. Yeah, no. So I stopped. Everything related to painting. All at once.

God works in wonderful ways.

I’ve painted a total of about four pieces in the last 15 months. Two were donated for silent auctions, the other two for dear friends who allowed me to stand beside them as they said “I do.” With those pieces, I felt freedom when I painted; freedom that overwhelmed me as I worked the paint across a [literal] blank canvas. I enjoyed painting, but apparently I enjoyed staring at my paints sitting lonely in the corner even more. I said I didn’t have time to paint. But let’s be real, I was scared.

You can read about how the Freehand Truth shop first got started here. I wrote that a few days before the shop went live. By the end of three months I had lost sight of why I was creating: to glorify God. I was seeking to glorify my name. Not His. I was seeking to please my customers to the point to where I was losing my voice, my passion, my love for painting. Because I wanted to “make it big” and be successful.

So God put me on the bench.

Where I waited.

And waited.

And waited some more.

Until now.

So why now? So glad you asked. There’s this beautiful thing called being human. I am human. And so are you. We are gifted in individual and unique ways. I can paint, but social media is not my forte. I can communicate [somewhat] well, but always need help articulating ideas further. (Crazy, but I always make sense to myself. Not necessarily always to other people.) So I have incredibly gracious friends who have agreed to help with social media, editing, etc. (Everyone, when you say your prayers tonight please thank the Lord with me for the people who are going to lend a hand through this process. It takes a village. I’ve got a great one.) I am fully aware of my limits and have this great thing called accountability in place. When I am tempted to overextend–to get worn down because I’m working from a place of myself–I have beautiful friends who aren’t afraid to tell it to me like it is. We’ve also worked on this other great thing called expectations. Since we are human, aka-not God, we can’t do it all. Seriously. Can’t. Do. It. All. There will be weeks when I don’t pick up a paintbrush. And that’s okay.

The answer to “Why now?” summed up in one word(ish): a healthy view on creating.

Here’s the other component to why now: tough stuff happens. Painting has always been something that I’ve come around to after life throws a nasty punch. I have cried more in the last 15 months than I have in my entire life combined. (And that’s saying a lot because my mom loves to say that I used up all her sympathy by the time I was five.) My tears haven’t been the only ones. I’m not the only one hurting. I would bet a whole bunch of boxes of Samoa’s on the fact that you’re hurting too. Through this journey I’ve learned even more what it looks like to cling to Scripture. I want to share that with you. Not because I think I have anything profound to say, but more because I am discovering that getting my words out on paper (or screen…look at me using technology) is therapeutic. Just like painting is therapeutic. I don’t want to paint to just crank pieces out. I want to learn from them.

So I’m going to go ahead and set another thing straight – what I share on here is going to be what the Lord is teaching me. It’s going to be raw and honest. I am a huge believer that God gives us our weaknesses so that we have all the more room to proclaim Him.
See: the entire Bible.

Whether we have shared a meal together or your best friend’s roommate’s suitemate’s great aunt’s second cousin’s hairstylist sent this to you, I want you to know that I love you and am thankful for you. I am thankful that you have given a few moments of your precious time to allow the Lord to [hopefully, dear Jesus pleeeeaaase] speak through me. I want to hear from you, what you’re learning too! My prayer is that this is a safe place for that to happen. I promise to be vulnerable. I promise to listen. I promise to not do this on my own.

Let’s do this.